so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
