There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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