you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
