Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
