I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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