Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
