We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
