Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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