Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
