wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
