that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
