what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
