Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
