And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
