I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
