A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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