You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
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