3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
