so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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