He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
