I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
