dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
