If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
