I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
And then my night got REAL pukey
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
