STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize