sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
handjob tips. give me some.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
