maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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