I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
