I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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