She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
