i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
