I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
