toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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