o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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