Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
