My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
