i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
