No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Come on in and take your pants off
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