All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
false alarm. still invincible.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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