dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
