i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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