The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Who died my cat blue again?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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