I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
this boner is exhausting
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
