so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
