Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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