I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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