I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
