two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
