***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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