Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
