He disabled his match.com account in front of me
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
