You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
