Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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