He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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