I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
