i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
