I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize