Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
