Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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