Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
