If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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