So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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