I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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