I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize