Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
