we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
