Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
