Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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