after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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