You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We are all done wearing pants today
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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