When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
