I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize