So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
