how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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