Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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