sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
