she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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